


But you can be strong

by larryandstuff



Series: They always come back [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Break Up/Make Up, Cheating, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Past Infidelity, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-02 23:02:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2829212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryandstuff/pseuds/larryandstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry cheated on Louis, and Louis left. Years filled with pain and regret pass and they cross paths again. It's safe to say they end up back together, but the question is how</p>
            </blockquote>





	But you can be strong

**Author's Note:**

> Just to sum up the last part... Louis went to visit harry In UNI, but walked in on Harry with another man. After Harry grovels for forgiveness at Louis' feet, Louis leaves.... And this is where we pick up

Harry waited. He waited two days before getting out of bed, eyes never leaving the door, hoping for Louis to return. He waited three weeks before breaking down and calling Louis. He had promised to give Louis space to think, but he couldn't help it anymore. He needed to talk to Louis, even if it was just to get yelled at, he just wanted to hear his voice. After that first call that went to voice mail Harry started to call every day. He waited an hour in between calls, but he called 24 times a day for a whole week. Finally Louis picked up. 

The moment that Harry heard the click telling him that the call had been picked up, he began spouting words that had been building up for the past month. "Lou, Louis Baby. I'm so sorry, god I'm so sorry," he said. "I miss you so much, I was such and idiot for what I did. I promise that it will never happen again, I will never touch or look at another person the way that I do with you. Please, please give me another chance, please I'll do anything. I love you so much Louis, so much," he broke off into a whisper. 

Harry was begging, collapsed on the floor in the middle of the grocery store that he happened to be in at the time, and sobbing into the phone. He could feel the confused stares of people around him, but they meant nothing to him now. His pleas were met with silence on the other end, no doubt Louis trying to gather the strength or will power for what he was about to do after Harry's groveling rant. 

Just as Harry was about to begin another string of begging, Louis spoke. There were obvious tears hidden behind his calm voice. "Harry, we're done. I can't look past what's happened between us this past year. I've tried, but I can't. we're done. You need to stop calling me, I- I can't take it. If you really still love me then know that this is what's best and stay away from me." Everything was silent for a few moments. This past year, and especially this last month, Harry felt Louis slipping away. but this felt way more real, and he could feel Louis leaving. For good. Finally the silence was broken when Louis whispered, "goodbye Harry," and hung up. 

So Harry continued to wait. Waiting numbly on the floor of Tesco's until a manager came to make him leave. Waiting, in denial, for his phone to ring with Louis's name appearing on the screen. And waiting for any sign that things would be okay. 

Except Harry knew his feelings were flawed. He had caused this whole problem, he'd done this to himself when he'd hurt Louis. He shouldn't feel this upset when Louis is sitting at home probably trying his absolute best to put pieces of his heart together that Harry had gone through and torn apart. Regardless of that though, Harry still felt devastated at losing the love of his life. He knew he had no right to call Louis that anymore, lost that right when he blatantly chose someone else to take Louis' place. He knew that. But it didn't hurt any less considering he now knew how wrong it had been, and how wrong he was. He was a victim too. A victim of his own destruction. 

He'd been staring at his phone for a couple of days when it rang. He jumped across the room to get it, heart beating rapidly in his chest, tears already springing to his eyes. However, his heart sank when he answered the phone and it was just his mum. They were very close, so his mum knew all about the situation. She was less then happy when Harry old her why he and Louis were no longer together, but she could tell how much he regretted it and she couldn't help but feel bad for her little boy. 

Usually she would call to make sure he was eating properly and going to at least some of his classes, but this was a different type of call. She had started with, "baby I don't know how to tell you this, but a package showed up at the house today." Harry couldn't see why that was a bad thing until she continued on by saying, "I opened it, and it was a couple items of your clothing and such. I think Louis must of sent it over here." 

He hadn't said much before hanging up to go back and mope on the bed. This was a sign. This was Louis telling him that he was trying to move on, he was completely and utterly done with Harry. 

So Harry began waiting again. He waited for this fresh feeling of... Of what? He wasn't sure. It was new. he had already been sad, he had already felt guilty. So what was this new feeling? To be honest, hearing that Louis was trying to remove Harry from his life made him feel something indescribable. The only thing he could compare it to is being forced to stab yourself with a knife in the chest as somebody holds a gun to your lover's head. Each stab you make is inflicted on your loved one as they feel the same pain, but if you stop stabbing yourself, the trigger is released and they end up dead anyway. Either way you lose, you're hurting the one you love. So this was how Harry felt. And he waited for this feeling to fade. 

Maybe it was weeks, maybe it was days, but eventually he came to accept that the feeling wouldn't go away. He came to accept that Louis wasn't coming back on his own. And he began to accept that he would be alone forever, that he had let the best thing in his life go and it was definitely all his fault. 

Once he had come to this conclusion, he had a choice to make. Option one, clearly he would never be as happy as he once was, so what was the point? He could kill himself. Option two, keep living... Without Louis. 

His choice was very apparent to him, keep living. Yes, Louis had meant the world to him, but it was his own fault that he was gone so he shouldn't be able to take the easy way out. He still had dreams, still wanted to be a journalist, still wanted to own a house and, have a family. It's just that he had wanted to do all of that with Louis. And he would have too, if he hadn't fucked everything up. Looking at the situation he came to his final conclusion. He was never going to stop waiting for Louis to come around and give him a second chance, but he didn't have to wait and do nothing with his life either. Instead he was going to get his life together, move forward with his dreams, actually give Louis a reason to come back, he would show him that he was worthy of that second chance. That way, if Louis did ever decide to forgive Harry and try again, he would be in a place where they could live a comfortable life and he wouldn't be a deadbeat boyfriend again. 

He was going to do it all for Louis, and if it turned out that Louis really doesn't speak to him ever again, then so be it, at least he tried. And so the next day instead of just opening his eyes and lazily eating some toast while staring at his phone or drafting texts to Louis, Harry got up. He got up and showered, ate a decent breakfast, went to class, took notes, came home and did homework, ate some dinner and went to bed. And he only thought about Louis about 80% of the time... Which was an improvement. And maybe he didn't smile at all or talk to anyone all day, but he was taking baby steps. 

So it went this way for a while. A month later there was a day where, for a few moments, Harry's face was covered with a genuine smile. And months after that, Harry had started to form some new friendships. And soon after that he had started to make plans a few nights a week. His smile never really reached his eyes, and his dimples hadn't been present for a while, but wasn't it better to pretend you were truly happy than to mope about life, consumed in self-pity? 

He stayed true to his word that he would never look at or touch another man like he did Louis. He had made that mistake once and it would never happen again. He only remembers one time going out with his new friends and getting utterly plastered. He remembers getting on his knees for a stranger. He remembers the feel of his lips around somebody else's dick. (The sick thing is that the person before that wasn't even Louis, it was Kyle. The last person he had touched that way was Kyle.) he remembers not even being down there for a minute before he's jerking his head up and away and throwing up all over the floor. He's not sure if it was the copious amounts of alcohol he'd consumed, or the fresh taste of somebody else's precum, but he's sure that he threw up and the man left disgusted. He knows this because the next morning he woke up on a cold floor curled up next to a puddle of vomit. His new 'friends' clearly weren't that concerned about him. So from that point on, he'd never touched another soul. Vowed he wouldn't unless it was Louis. 

Choosing to stay in school over summer break , he submerged himself in school work so that he wouldn't have to face a vicious and social-less reality. Because of this, he was able to graduate from the university of London in almost three years. Due to an internship during his last year he landed a job with London's top newspaper, London's Evening Standard, right out of school. This was a major accomplishment for Harry, but all he could think about was how he wanted to share it with Louis. 

Moving into a small flat in London, He had gotten himself into a routine. He went through life, completing tasks, and moving forward. And the whole time he kept Louis in his mind for motivation. He was going to prove to Louis the next chance he got that he was ready to try again. 

And so he waited for that opportunity. He waited for three years. Waited for the chance to prove himself to Louis. For three years he had lived his life without meaning, just existing, going through the motions. But all of that changed when he received an email on a Sunday morning. 

***

Rain lightly tapped against the window as Harry made his way over to his couch, warm cup of tea in hand. He was drowning in a warm baggy sweater and some fuzzy wool socks. Placing his mug on the table next to him, he reached to grab his laptop from off of the floor. 

Turning on some soft music, Harry decided to enjoy this nice relaxing fall day catching up on some emails and proofing an article that would be released tomorrow morning. 

Harry had just started working full time at the Evening Standard about six months ago. Due to some unforeseen retirements and his surprising talent for writing, Harry had found himself in the middle of the food chain at work. He was definitely not the editor-in-chief (definitely wasn't ready for that,) but he wasn't running coffee or writing the scrap articles either. He found himself right in the middle (an impressive place to be at this point) he wrote regularly (good topics too) and generally got a say in what he was going to write about. Every once in a while he had a stand out piece (which had influenced the editor-in-chief to hint that he maybe had his eye on Harry as an upcoming second in command.)

Either way, Harry loved his job. It was literally his dream, and at this stage in his life he tried his best not to dwell on what was missing. 

This week he was working on writing an exclusive that would feature a local homeless shelter dedicated specifically to helping children. Going through his unnecessarily full email his eyes landed on an email from a certain Mike Richards. 

The man was chubby and cheery and just so happened to also be the founder of the homeless shelter. He opened the email just as Tigger, his cat, jumped up on his lap. Harry scanned the email, absent mindedly scratching the cat's back. Taking in the words before him, Harry's breathing got harder and more staggered . His vision blurred around the edges and a full on panic attack took over. 

***

Louis took a deep breath as he admired the outfit he had just picked out for tomorrow. Tomorrow was a big day. Tomorrow he would no longer be the assistant director of cardinem; he would be the head director. It was unfortunate the circumstances that Mike had to leave under (a sick mother,) but Louis was excited beyond belief. He couldn't think of anything more fulfilling than helping kids flourish in a bad environment. 

After the whole incident with Harry three years ago, Louis had decided to make some changes in his life. He almost immediately transferred to a school in London. He made sure that he would never be the 'boring boyfriend' again. He had needed a change of scenery, needed to leave home. 

He had submerged himself in school work and graduated within the year. He made new friends and had studied hard, content with making the point that he could live without Harry. He didn't need Harry. And essentially, he 'faked it until he made it.' 

Louis was sure that if he was analyzed by a psychologist they would tell him that he had dealt with the situation incorrectly. He never gave himself time to properly grieve, never really let himself think over the situation. He'd just put up walls right away. They'd spout some psychology jargon. Labeling him with things like cognitive-dissonance, biopsychosocial, and fundamental attribution error. All of which would most likely be true about him. But Louis was fine. He was happy... Ish. Or at least he just didn't give himself the chance to realize otherwise. 

Regardless of his mental state, right after university he had gotten a job at Cardinem as the assistant director. If you had asked him what his five year goal was he'd probably have said to be the director. This goal was just accomplished three years earlier than planned. Yes, he was nervous, but he didn't really have a reason to be. He had worked with Mike for so long and knew the ins and outs of the foundation. He loved the kids, and the kids loved him. He was honored to be given the responsibility of providing these kids with a positive path to take in life, honored to be their mentor. 

Upon entering his kitchen, Louis began heating up last night's Chinese take away for breakfast. While waiting for his food to be the correct temperature for eating, he pulled out his phone and started going through some emails. Seeing one from Mike, he quickly opened it anticipating a good luck note or last minute reminder. What he didn't anticipate was to see an email pertaining to a certain 'mr. Harry Styles.'

Dropping the phone he turned around and searched frantically for something that would help him get his wits together. The phone stared dauntingly up at him from it's place on the floor. In a split second he scrambled for the phone, desperate to see why he was sent an email regarding Harry. 

Quickly reading over the email he started to have trouble breathing. Food long forgotten, Louis slumped down his kitchen cabinets, huddled in the corner, and reread the email. He just couldn't believe this was happening to him, things were going so well. He read over the words one final time. 

'Louis,  
I forgot to mention to you that tomorrow I was scheduled to meet with a journalist from the Evening Standard. His name is Harry Styles and I was planning on meeting him for lunch to give him an overview of the foundation. He should be coming around a couple of times this week to build up his story. Sorry for springing this on you so suddenly, I know it must throw a kink in your plans. It shouldn't be to difficult, you know all of the answers to the questions he will ask you. I have already notified Mr. Styles of the position change, so he is aware that he is indeed meeting you, and not me.  
I just want to thank you again for taking my place at Cardinem. It means a lot to me that I can pass my success down to someone who I know will continue to let it thrive. Good luck! I'll make sure to visit.  
-Mike'

Scrambling up off of the floor Louis quickly leaned into the sink and threw up. He didn't know what to do. This was so unexpected. He wasn't ready for this. He didn't know if he could handle seeing Harry, and he tried to desperately ignore the side of him that did want to see him. 

He was bent over his sink, his head resting in his hands, eyes closed, trying his best not to cry. He had cried too much over Harry Styles. 

After a long moment of silently freaking out, he screamed into the quiet kitchen and sunk to the floor on his knees, body wracking with violent sobs. 

It was like a bandaid was ripped off exposing a fresh wound to harsh air. His mind immediately went back to that horrid night and the weeks, months, and years that had followed. Somewhere along the way he started thinking about how happy they had been together. He wanted that back. God, he wanted that so bad. He grew up knowing that Harry was the one for him, had planned a future with him. But Harry ripped that security and happiness away from him in a defining act of betrayal. 

Harry had explained to him why he Had cheated, but that still didn't stop Louis from blaming himself. He knew it was because he wasn't good enough.

He cried pathetically on the floor for an embarrassingly long time before finally getting up. In a bout of anger he pulled himself up and slammed his fist down on the counter top, Immediately regretting that decision and cradling his throbbing hand. He then proceeded to kick the cabinet as he grunted out, "Stupid-fucking- Harry-Styles-no-good-piece-of-shit-making-me-feel-like-a-fucking-loser."

Louis hated feeling sorry for himself, and it had taken him forever to finally understand that Harry had cheated because Harry was an idiot. It's had taken him forever to realize that he wasn't to blame. But of course, Harry had to come back into his life and make him doubt everything. Fuck him, Like seriously, fuck Harry. 

He wasn't going to let Harry control him anymore. He was confident and independent and he had been doing just fine before, he could do just fine now. He was going to show up tomorrow, and was going to prove to Harry, and to himself, that he was okay and that he was over and done with Harry. 

However, seeing as he had wiped himself out from his fit before (or break down depending on how you looked at it,) and knowing he was was in for restless night's sleep, he decided to cut the day short and try to go to bed as soon as possible. Tomorrow was going to be a difficult day. 

***

Harry slipped out of bed that morning an hour before his alarm even went off. He thought that he maybe had an hour of sleep at the most. His mind was constantly reeling, fearful of what was to come. 

He didn't know how Louis would react. Would he break down in tears? Would he pretend to ignore Harry? Would they act like it never happened? Or would he attack Harry in three years worth of pent up frustration? And to be honest, Harry couldn't tell you which one he would prefer, they all had their pros and cons. 

In the end, Harry decided he was going to make this as easy as possible for Louis and keep contact and conversation to a minimum (god knows he had caused him enough pain.) After all, he did have a job to do and he planned on accomplishing it. A lot was riding on this article, he had a shot at assistant editor-in-chief. 

Sluggishly going through his morning routine, Harry began to get ready for lunch. Dressed in his best work clothes (nothing to do with impressing Louis, and everything to do with the required extra self confidence) Harry grabbed his briefcase and car keys and walked out of his flat. 

Harry arrived at the little cafe where they would be meeting about a half hour early. He wasn't sure if he should wait in the car or if he should go in. He didn't know why he had showed up this early anyway, it didn't make this any easier. 

Eventually he decided to go wait inside. He was sitting at a table facing the door. At some point he started counting the little boxes on the wall paper across from him if only to keep his mind busy and to prevent a panic attack. 

He was so into discerning the different colors that he almost didn't see the door open out of the corner of his eye. His body immediately started trembling as he looked at the beautiful man scanning the cafe. The moment Louis' eyes landed on Harry he struggled to breath. This was the moment he had been waiting for for three years and he didn't think he could even speak. And he realized that even if he did have the ability, he didn't know what to say. Everything he planned was wiped out of his mind at the sight of the feathery haired boy... (Really a man now) slowly walking toward him. Louis was just as breath-taking as ever. Had gotten even more attractive (if that was possible) with the stubble that graced his face, and shaggy hair that replaced the light fringe. And would it be totally cliche to say that he for a moment thought, 'how did I ever let this go?' So caught up in his thoughts, he didn't realize it when Louis was stood directly in front of the table. Directly in front of him. 

Their eyes met for the briefest second, before Louis looked down, sat in the seat across from Harry, and snapped , "Right, let's get this over with."

Harry's heart sank. He didn't know why he wasn't prepared for that reaction (he really should've been) it's just that this was worse than Louis yelling at him, this was worse than Louis not even showing up. This was Louis coming because he had to, and making it quite clear to Harry that his feelings had not changed. As far as Harry was concerned, Louis never wanted to speak with or look at Harry ever again. And Harry didn't know why he wasn't prepared for that, after all, it was probably the most likely thing to happen. 

Stuttering over his words, Harry looked down at his plate, tears welling in his eyes, and stumbled out, "yeah...um yeah. Let's get this over with."

***

Louis stood outside of the cafe for about ten minutes before finally working up the courage to go inside. He had figured out how he was going to act. He would be friendly, maybe they could move past what happened three years ago. Maybe they didn't have to be totally miserable. Even with everything they went through, everything That Harry had done to him, Louis had to admit that he missed having Harry in his life. They wouldn't be friends, not yet, but maybe... Acquaintances? Is that what came before friends? Either way, He was quick to scan the dinning area in search for a boy with springy chocolate curls, bright dimples and dazzling green eyes. 

He quickly found who he was looking for, but after first glance Louis realized that Harry wasn't the cherubic little boy who stole his heart anymore. His corkscrew curls had become looser and were pushed over on top of his head. His jaw line and become more defined, and even sitting, Louis could tell that Harry had grown about a foot and was tall and lanky. As he got closer however, he realized that Harry's face was not the bright smiley one he remembered. he didn't know why he expected to see it under these circumstances, but it still surprised him nonetheless that the face he was met with was definitely not that of the Harry he remembered. This Harry's cheeks were sunken into his face, dark bags hung under his eyes, those dazzling green eyes no longer held any dazzle, and Louis was most upset to find that Harry's face held no trace of dimples. The slight indents of past recent smiles that were usually etched into his relaxed face weren't there either. It was as if this boy before him hadn't truly smiled in ages. 

Louis couldn't help but think of one possible reason as to why Harry hadn't smiled in the past three years, and that was that he missed Louis. Louis couldn't help but feel a little smug at this thought. Looking at the shell of a boy he loved, Louis could tell that Harry's soul ached. And Louis felt sad about it, sad for the boy that once held his heart. However, almost immediately, he felt angry. Because how dare Harry make himself the victim here. Louis hurt more than Harry. Hell, Harry's the one who had created that hurt. He hurt Louis. And god was that an understatement. Hurt barely described the emotion Louis felt when Harry had single handedly taken Louis' heart and ripped it apart. So how dare Harry feel so depressed about this. Because if he was going to be this upset without Louis in his life then why the hell did he kick Louis to the curb and run him over with his metaphoric car in the first place. Louis couldn't even feel pleased that Harry was upset, because he was so furious that Harry had the audacity to show that he was he was hurt, Harry didn't deserve to feel hurt. 

It was in this bout of anger that Louis forewent his plan of being friendly, and instead sat down and spat, "Right, let's get this over with."

Three years ago Louis would have rejoiced in the way that Harry's face fell and showed evident pain. But now, All Louis felt was guilt. Louis watched as Harry immediately bowed his head down and a single tear slid down his cheek. Harry tripped over his words, quick to agree with Louis but it was clear that his attitude towards the words was very different than Louis'. 

Louis tried not to feel bad about how he had just treated Harry. He knew he was rude and cold and he knew that that had clearly upset Harry. So he tried to rationalize that Harry could deal with a little hurt, Harry deserved to feel at least a minuscule amount of the pain Louis had, Louis had the right to cause that pain. Yet, no matter how hard Louis tried to convince himself of this he could still feel a knot sitting low in his stomach. He didn't know how to act around Harry now that he had already set the tone, he couldn't apologize and change now, it would seem weak. So Louis decided that he would keep up the cold front he had presented. 

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Harry pressed play on the tape recorder sitting on the table after they had ordered some lunch. After a couple test attempts, he looked back down at the table and said, "alright, well if you're ready we can start, just um- yeah whenever you're ready."

Louis cleared his throat and said, "yeah ok, let's start."

Harry started out simple, asking basic questions pertaining to 'what is the mission of Cardinem?' 'How was the foundation started?' And 'describe an average day in your foundation.' Then there were some questions that dug a little deeper. When Harry asked what Cardinem meant, Louis explained that it was Latin for 'turning point.' He talked a little but about the kids and their lives outside of the foundation, and what they do to help mento them and guide them on a path to success. And then some questions were asked pertaining to Louis' position at Cardinem: what his plans for the future were, How he got the position, if he was comfortable with where he stood, and if he ever saw himself running a successful and life changing foundation?

It was after a while of talking (which hadn't become any easier) and when all the food was gone that Harry maybe got a little to comfortable. He had been asking Louis about his position at Cardinem and the questions had started to become more and more specific. Harry couldn't help it, this was the love and his life and they were finally speaking again (albeit mandatory) all he wanted to do was sit and listen to Louis talk. For three years Harry had been wondering what Louis was up to, and now he had the opportunity to literally interview him. The conversation went on, and while Harry started to come out of his shell, Louis only became more uncomfortable. 

Harry was leaning forward on the table, his head resting on his hand, just gazing fondly at Louis. He was completely enamored with the man in front of him, and was clinging desperately to each word that passed Louis' lips. This is why he didn't even think before asking, (completely casual as if the last three years had never happened) "so what happened? I mean why did you drop the dream of playing football, or managing a team? You were so good and you loved it so much, I mean obviously you're happy where you are now, but aren't you at least a little bit sad that you didn't end up doing what you've dreamed of your whole life?" 

Time stopped for Louis, for multiple reasons. First of all, 'ouch' that's a sore subject. Obviously Harry wouldn't know, but a major knee injury in UNI had pretty much sealed the deal for Louis that football would not be in his future (he could always coach or manage, but he always thought it would be too painful to not actually be able to play.) and second of all, reality check! This was getting way to friendly for the tone that Louis had set. They were not old friends catching up, this was strictly work business. it was probably these two things coupled with the fact that Louis had (regretfully) made it clear at the beginning that he did not want to be here, that caused him to snap out his response. "You know what, that's a little personal for an article on a charity yeah? I'm sure you have enough information to write your thing," he said. And at this point he couldn't stop the words from falling out of his mouth, so he added in a cold tone, "And to be honest it's not really your place to ask things like that anymore. Really, You lost that right when you made the decision to push me out of your life with a knife stabbed through my heart. Good luck with your article," he mumbled the last part as he quickly stood up, threw a couple of bills on the table, and walked out of the door without looking back. 

If he would have looked back he would have seen Harry's jaw drop, would've seen tears fill his eyes and his cheeks flush red, would've seen Harry bow his head in shame, unable to watch Louis walk away from him again. 

Louis threw himself into the front seat of his car the moment he reached it. He was quick to lean down and rest his head in his hands that gripped the steering wheel. Squeezing his eyes closed and clenching his teeth, Louis let out a scream through his closed mouth. Lifting his head up he reached for the gear shift, prepared to drive to his flat and not go back to work. He doesn't know what, but something stopped him though. He couldn't tell you, but something compelled him not to drive away. 

So there he sat, in his car, staring at the door to the restaurant. He waited for about 5 minutes before he realized why he wasn't able to leave yet. It took seeing Harry walking out the door for Louis to realize that he needed to see if Harry was okay before he drove away. Apparently even after everything Harry had done, Louis still couldn't bare the thought of hurting him. 

He watched as the minute Harry got out of the door his body was taken over by harsh sobs. Louis watched as Harry walked to his car and fumbled for his keys. Harry didn't even manage to get it unlocked before he gave up and slid down the side of his car, body shaking fiercely. 

To be honest, Louis was utterly shocked. He hadn't thought that his words would have that much of an effect on Harry. If the destroyed boy sitting in the parking lot was anything to go by, clearly he was wrong. 

Either Louis was feeling exceptionally brave today, or maybe he just wasn't in control of his actions, but before he could second guess himself, He was getting out of his car and walking toward Harry. 

When Louis' feet breached Harry's field of vision, Harry's head quickly snapped up. Realizing that it was indeed Louis standing in front of him, he turned his head to the side and tried to wipe away the tears that were springing from his eyes and down his cheeks. He began to talk, but had to clear his throat when his voice came out raspy. "What do you want?" He asked softly. 

Taking a deep breath, Louis made his way up to the car and slid down it so that he was next to Harry. Laughing softly to himself, Louis responded, "what do I want?" He paused a moment before saying, "You know? I don't really know. But then again I don't think I've known for the past three years. I mean I knew I wanted to get over you, but I don't think that that's really the right answer. I guess for right now, I wanted to come and apologize."

His first encounter in three years with Harry had gone very poorly (the boy looked like a deer caught in headlights the whole time and ended up crying in the parking door due to Louis' actions) so he decided to try the complete opposite. Brutal, clean-cut, honesty. When Harry didn't say anything, Louis started talking again. "Look," he said, "I'm sorry for how I acted in there, it was rude and unnecessarily cold-"

A scoff from Harry interrupts him. In a voice that, if you asked Louis, sounded angry only because Harry was mad at himself, Harry said, "that's just it though! Maybe how you acted wasn't necessary, but it was sure as hell justifiable. I- I don't know how to act around you, I don't know how you can be around me! I mean I definitely want to be with you and have you in my life, I just- I don't understand how to move forward in any aspect of us having any level of a relationship. I just- just don't-"

This time it's Louis who cuts Harry off, "hey hey hey maybe," Louis pauses to take a deep breath for what he's about to say. in a quiet and unsure voice he says, "well maybe I want to be around you. Maybe I want to have you in my life too." Louis watches as Harry's head snaps up and his eyes fill with disbelief and what can only be described as hope. "Harry, to be honest with you, I had every intention of walking in there and having a nice lunch with you, I was going to be friendly, and we were going to catch up. I don't know what happened. Maybe I needed to get it out of my system, or maybe I felt like I'm supposed to hate you." And now Louis was having quite the epiphany sitting in a parking lot with his ex, "but is it so bad if I don't? Hate you I mean? Because I don't, not really. I mean maybe at first, but not anymore. I don't hate you anymore. In fact, if I'm being honest with myself, I kind of miss you." Louis trailed off at the end, not sure where that speech came from. 

Harry made a choked sound, before sputtering out, "I miss you too." Harry felt pathetic that that's all he could think of to say. 

Louis looked down at his hands in his lap and smiled to himself. "Maybe," he began to proposition, "after this week when all of this article business is done we could grab coffee for real and just catch up." He was quick to add, "just as friends if course, or at least getting there."

He looked up to see Harry nodding rapidly, a large smile splitting his face, dimples peaking out. "Yeah that would be absolutely wonderful," he breathed. 

"Great, well I'll see you tomorrow then," Louis said shyly as he began to get up. 

"Wait," Harry quickly shouted, grabbing Louis' arm causing him to fall back against the car. "I need to apologize," he said. 

"Harry-" Louis began to say condescendingly, not really wanting to get into this. 

"No Louis, I need to say it. Before you leave here, I need to just say it before I see you tomorrow. I just need to say it." He waited for Louis to give his nod in permission before saying, "I know I said sorry before, but I don't think it was very credible considering it was in the heat of the moment and I was saying anything I could to get you to stay, so I'm going to say it now. Now it's been three years and I've had a lot of time to think about what I did to you, and I'd like to apologize to you for real now. I'm sorry. I am so sorry for all of the pain I caused you three years ago. Not just for that night you found out, and not just for the fact that I cheated on you, but also for the fact that I pulled away for months before, and put you in a terrible position. I have no idea how awful you must have felt after finding out you were part of a one-sided relationship. That wasn't fair to you at all, none of it was. And I'm sorry for everything I did to you. It's the biggest regret in life I have, and I'm so grateful that you've given me the chance to finally tell you that." 

It was silent for a bit, Harry catching his breath, and Louis silently crying. Looking at his hands, Harry broke the silence by saying, "uh- ok I'm done."

Louis laughed a little, wiped his nose and eyes on the back if his hand, and said, "thank you Harry. That means a lot to have you say that. Um I guess I'll see you tomorrow." 

"Ok," Harry said with a slight smile. "See you."

Louis got up and smiled at Harry. He walked to his car and opened the door. Waving to Harry, he got inside, started it, and drove off. 

It may have been a abrupt ending to their afternoon, and he didn't gain Louis' forgiveness (not that he expected to) but Harry couldn't have been happier with the way things had gone. Tilting his head back he closed his eyes and smiled. Bottling up this moment of happiness, the first true moment he could Remember in forever, he took one last deep breath and stood up to get in his car and go home. 

*

It was a week later and Harry was sitting in his flat editing his article on Cardinem along with a few others that had been sent to him. The heating was broken in his building so he was wearing layers upon lures of sweaters and some fingerless gloves. He thinks that Tigger is probably hiding underneath the bathtub by the water pipes that may still be warm from the hot shower he took this morning. 

His phone buzzed on the coffee table and he reached out with numb fingers to grasp it. His breath hitched when he saw Louis' name pop up on the screen and a warm sensation settled in the pit of his stomach. It suddenly hit him that he hadn't experienced the joy of receiving a text from Louis in three years. Eager to see what he said, he quickly typed in his pass code and went into the message app. 

So far they had communicated through email so that Harry could contact Louis about the times he would be visiting the foundation for observation this past week. Texts were new. Texts hadn't been passed between them for three years. The message read, 

Hey Harry, I'm not sure this is even still your number, but on the off chance that it is I was wondering if you were up for grabbing a coffee. As friends this time. Let me know.  
Louis

Harry was honestly shocked. He didn't know if he was more thrilled about the fact that Louis had asked him to coffee, or about the fact that Louis still had his number. Harry had visited Cardinem twice this week to gather information for his article, and he had gotten closer with Louis each time. Maybe closer went the right word, he had just gotten more comfortable and less awkward around him. He was stunned out of his silence by his vibrating phone. Another message from Louis had appeared. 

You've probably changed your number so I was going to email you but that seems to formal  
Louis

And then another message came through,

I guess I'll just email you  
Louis

A smile graced his face as he pictured Louis nervously typing into his phone, afraid to embarrass himself. He quickly responded,

Haha don't worry. And yes I would love to get coffee. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there.  
Harry

He stared anxiously at his phone , awaiting an answer from Louis. It seemed that Louis was just as anxious as Harry, because within two minutes a reply came. 

If it's not to inconvenient for you, I'm free in an hour...  
Louis

Harry's eyes widened. An hour was so soon, he hardly had time to get ready, or to practice what he was going to say. Nonetheless, he wouldn't pass up an opportunity like this, so he sent his response. 

Yeah that works for me. How about the coffee shop on 2nd? Or did you have somewhere else in mind?  
Harry

No, that works, I know the place. See you in an hour :)  
Louis

Harry couldn't contain his excitement, and he was only mildly embarrassed when he squealed a little bit. Quickly abandoning his work, he jumped up to get ready for coffee with Louis. 

He was so nervous, but god he was so excited. After changing he sat back down on his couch and tried to get some work done. He was waiting until 11:39 to leave his flat because he didn't want to be too early this time. Instead if working, he found himself staring at the clock across the room, anxiously tapping his pen against the table. It was agonizing watching the motionless minute hand. His eyebrows knit together in anticipation. After a while he mumbled under his breath, "ah fuck it" and got up and walked out the door. He had only made it until 11:27. 

*

Louis looked up when the bell on the door jingled and his eyes met a smiling Harry. Noticing the dimples indented in Harry's cheeks, a warm feeling spread throughout his body. A large smile etched it's way onto his face and he stood up to meet Harry. "Harry!" He greeted cheerfully, opening his arms for an unexpected hug (seriously that wasn't what Louis expected his reaction to be.) 

He felt Harry's tense body go soft in his arms, and his nose burrowing in Louis' hair. "Lou," he breathed in response. Louis closed his eyes and finally let himself enjoy what he really wanted. And maybe he didn't know exactly what that was, but for right now he decided he wanted to hug Harry in the middle of a coffee shop, and he was going to let himself be ok with that 

*

Over the next few months Harry and Louis worked to rebuild their relationship, or rather friendship. It took a lot of work on Louis' part, but eventually he decided he was going to work to repair things with Harry. At first he couldn't help but feel that he was supposed to be angry at Harry forever after what he did. After a while of tearing his mind apart, he came to the conclusion that he could no longer ignore it. He missed the curly haired boy who had meant so much to him. Of course he was still angry, and he didn't really forgive Harry, but he was willing to maybe look beyond that just so they could be in each other's lives again. He knew it was cheesy, but they really were like magnets, they couldn't stay away, constantly gravitating toward each other. 

After about a month of reserved and slightly awkward trips for coffee, nights getting drinks, and casual walks they both seemed to warm up to each other and they slowly jumped (probably slid) into being friends again. The friends they were before they had started dating in high school. 

Louis introduced Harry to Liam and Niall who he had met when he transferred schools some years ago. And harry introduced Louis to Zayn, a lad he had met at his gym a couple of weeks ago (not that impressive, but Harry was just happy to be able to give off the illusion that he had a somewhat normal social life and had not spent the past three years in a lonely bout of depression.) Although their friends knew about Harry and Louis' past relationship no one ever mentioned it, too afraid to disrupt the evident contentment that had overwhelmed their friends. 

Harry and Louis were much the same. After Harry's confession (or apology) to Louis by the car after their first meeting, neither had raised the conversation again. They were both so happy with the way things were going, being together again, they didn't want to say anything that may ruin it. Anything that would make the other realize how bad of an idea this was. Deep down they both knew that this was a dangerous situation, but too content with themselves and eager to remain close they willing decided to stay in the dark. They would push away those thoughts until they could no longer remain ignorant and blissful. 

*

It happened a couple months down the road. An unspoken boundary between Harry and Louis was that they made sure they were never alone together in their homes. That's not to say they were never alone together ever; meeting up for lunch on a weekday or coffee on a Saturday morning to an outsider would seem like a date, but honestly it wasn't. And it's not to say that they had never been in each other's homes; movie nights and games of FIFA were common among the group of five friends, but Louis and Harry were careful to make sure that they weren't the only ones there or the last two remaining.

A Home was too comfortable. Too painful. A Home was a reminder that if Harry hadn't screwed up, this would've been their future, it would've been their home together. A home created a vulnerable environment. It was privy to a conversation that didn't have to be reined in due to being in a public area. Isolated from the world around them, home was a dangerous place to be alone together. A Home was the perfect place for this delicate and wonderful facade they had created to come crashing down. And for this reason, homes were avoided.  
Until one night when they weren't. 

Lads' night had been great. Now a weekly thing, it allowed the boys to loosen up after a stressful week. Tonight was mellow. They had sat at a booth in a local pub, drinking pints and laughing jovially. At the end of the night they were all pleasantly drunk, not enough that they would forget the events of the night, but enough where they would definitely feel it in the morning. 

As Louis' building was on the way to Harry's, Harry, always the gentleman, made the decision to walk Louis home. They stumbled down the walkway, leaning on each other (partly for support and lack of balance, but also for a desire to be close,) and giggling the entire way. 

Reaching Louis' building, Harry bowed down and bid Louis adieu. Louis giggled with a blush, "Hazza, you have to walk me all the way to my door. What if I collapse in the hallway and you've left me to die?"

Harry huffed out a breath, "I suppose you're right. Well come on then," he said grabbing Louis' arm and dragging him up the steps. Louis fumbled for his key and eventually got the door to the building open. He led the way through the hall, loudly shushing Harry who had started giggling when he had stumbled into a wall and then bounced back only to hit the one adjacent to it. 

"Quiet," Louis whispered, "you'll wake the villagers."

"What villagers?" Harry asked loudly. 

"The ones that live in all these huts of course," Louis said motioning to the doors that lined the halls. 

"Ohhhh," Harry whispered. 

Finally reaching Louis' door, he waited for Louis to get it open before leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. "Night Loubear," he whispered. 

"Night," Louis whispered back, suddenly feeling warm inside. Harry began to turn away, preparing to leave when Louis spoke up. "He Haz? Do- do You want to come in for a bit?"

Harry turned around, a big smile immediately gracing his face. "Yeah! I'd love too."

Louis held the door open and Harry stumbled in, accidentally knocking a picture frame off if the wall on his way in. "Whoops," he said, picking it back up and re-hanging it to the best of his current ability. 

Harry made his way to the couch and sat starring at the design on the rug for some time before Louis walked in with two glasses and a bottle of wine. 

They had sobered up a bit on the walk home, but an hour through the bottle and meaningless conversation had them right back to where they had started; pleasantly drunk. After a while conversation died down and Harry found himself with his head on Louis' shoulder as Louis lounged on the couch. 

A comfortable silence filled the air and Harry's eyes slid closed, determined to commit this feeling to memory. It could've been seconds or it could've been hours, but Harry's eyes opened when he heard Louis' soft voice whisper, "I miss you." 

Slowly, Harry lifted his head up to look up at Louis' face. He looked much like Harry had moments ago. His eyes were closed, yet his head was held as if he was looking straight ahead. The only difference seemed to be in the single tear that was making it's way down Louis' cheek. Louis remained motionless, Like he hadn't just ripped himself open, exposing his deepest fear. 

Harry probably would've debated his decision longer if his brain wasn't so fuzzy with alcohol, but before he could tell himself this was a bad idea he was leaning forward, sliding his hand up to cup Louis' cheek, and turning his head to face him. Louis' glassy eyes opened and Harry could read the pleading within them. Pleading for Harry to stop or to keep going, he wasn't sure. 

With their faces merely an inch apart, Harry took one deep breath before leaning in. He stopped just as their lips touched and noticed that Louis' eyes had closed again. 

A whispered "please" from Louis was all it took for Harry to push forward those last few millimeters and fully connect their lips. They sat still for a couple of moments, eyes closed, lips locked. Slowly, very slowly, Harry began to move his lips against Louis', desperate to get a reaction from the older boy. It happened the moment Harry pried Louis' lips open and slipped his tongue in. A sudden jolt ran through Louis and before he knew it, Louis was up on his knees, both hands on either side of Harry's jaw, and suddenly kissing back with so much passion Harry thought his heart was going to explode. 

Slinking down to sit on his calfs so that he was lower than Louis, Harry reciprocated by slipping his arms around Louis' slim waist and pulling them flush together. 

After a few minutes of snogging, Harry sat up on his knees and slid off the couch, picking Louis up with him without breaking the kiss. Harry's hands immediately went to rest under Louis' bum, and Louis' arms went around Harry's neck. Louis instinctively tightened his thighs to squeeze Harry's hips in order to keep him up. Harry slowly made his way to Louis' room, taking time to press Louis against the hallway wall a few times. 

Once in the dark room, Harry gently laid them down on the bed so that he was now hovering over Louis. Harry's hand skimmed down the length of Louis' torso and thigh. And on the way back up he slipped his hand underneath Louis' sweater. His lips moved down to mouth at Louis' neck as he pushed the sweater up Louis' chest. 

Louis mewled as Harry's warm breath hit his stomach. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, shuddering out a breath, when Harry's lips wrapped around one of his nipples and sucked. 

They're bodies so in tune, Louis almost unconsciously lifted his arms up for Harry to take his sweater off of him. His fingers curled into Harry's hair as Harry made his way down, teeth toying with the button on Louis' jeans. 

Louis looks down while Harry mouths at the bulge in his jeans and realizes that Harry had removed all of his own clothes at some point and he had absolutely no recollection of that happening. His brain seemed sluggish probably from the emotional overload, and most definitely from the alcohol he had consumed all evening. Lost in his thoughts he didn't realize Harry pulling off Louis' pants and boxers until Harry gave them a slight tug to get them over his ankles. 

Within seconds, Harry's face was once again hovering over his own. His soft hand cupped Louis' face, and Louis turned further into the warmth. "Lube and condoms?" Harry asked. 

"Drawer," Louis rasped out. After quickly reaching over to get the lube, Harry began slicking up his fingers. He captured Louis' lips in a sweet passionate kiss. Louis' arms laid over his head on the pillow, as Harry's first finger pressed against his rim. 

He closed his eyes and let himself feel everything while Harry went to work stretching him open and licking around his fingers. Louis was once again unable to escape the thought and reminder that this is what he had been missing for the past three years. 

Louis was yet again pulled from his thoughts as Harry peppered light kisses all over his face. "Lou?" He murmured.

"Yeah- yeah," Louis responded blinking his eyes a few times, trying to bring himself back to where he really was, laying in bed with Harry. 

"You ready?" Harry asked. 

"Mhmm," Louis responded with a soft hum. 

Harry nodded and they both groaned as he pushed in. It had really been awhile on both ends. 

Harry began slowly rocking his hips into Louis' body. He hitched Louis' leg up with one hand, and the other came to rest next to Louis' head. Louis' arms came up to play with the hairs at the nape of Harry's neck. 

As Harry's thrusts started to quicken, breathy gasps escaped Louis' lips. Harry buried his face into Louis' neck when he came hard into the condom. He then absentmindedly reached down between them to finish Louis off. Once he had cum, Harry pulled out and threw the used condom off the side of the bed. Completely knackered, Harry flopped down on his side next to Louis and pulled him close. With a whispered "I love you," Harry was dead to the world. 

Louis laid awake with his wide open only for a few minutes completely stressing over his discomfort with what Harry had just said and with what just happened, before eventually succumbing to the exhaustion and falling asleep. 

*

Harry was jolted out if sleep by the flailing body next to him. His first instinct was to roll over and grasp his throbbing head. 

His eyes peeled open and fluttered in confusion upon hearing a whimpered repetition of "no no no" coming from across the room. Harry gasped at the sight of Louis wrapped in the duvet, curled up in the corner of the room. His knees were pulled to his chest, and his head was hurried in his hands, the heel of his palms pressed into his watery eyes. 

It wasn't hard for Harry to guess what had Louis in such hysterics. Immediately he jumped up pulling on his clothes that were laying on the floor next to the bed. The familiar scene before him brought him back to his dorm room three years ago, where his life had fallen apart. Realizing the severity of this moment. He recognized that this moment right here could obliterate any progress made between them I'm the past couple of months, would make the whole past three years meaningless. 

True to Harry fashion, he had no idea what to say to make this better, so he just ended up babbling. "Louis I'm so sorry," he pleaded. "I am so unbelievably sorry, I don't know what came over me last night. I should've just gone home," he mumbled the last part to himself. 

Louis was now looking up at him with big glistening eyes. "Please Louis," Harry begged. "This doesn't have to change anything." Noticing that Louis was just bitting his lip and shaking his head, Harry dropped to his knees in front of Louis. A brief moment of hope filled him when Louis didn't pull away when Harry grasped his hands. Harry continued, whispering now, "let's just forget this happened Louis, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I let this happen." 

Louis just continued to stare blankly right through him. With tears streaming down his face, Harry chokes out, "Lou, I can't lose you again, I can't do it. I won't make it."

The only response he gets is Louis' emotionless voice stating, "I think you need to leave Harry."

"No no, please Louis, come on we can talk about this. It doesn't have to end like this. Lou-" 

"Leave Harry," Louis whispers out, head dropping down so that he doesn't have to watch Harry leave. 

Harry wordlessly nods his head in finality and picks himself up off of the floor. A loud sob racks his body as he leaves the flat, leaves Louis curled on the floor, crying and confused. 

*

"Can you believe the audacity that kid has?" Louis spouted to Liam who was sitting quietly on the couch. Upon not hearing from Louis for a couple of days he made his way over to the boy's flat, only to find him sitting on the kitchen floor, broken dishes strewn around him. 

He had now been sitting on Louis' couch for the past hour, listening to Louis rant about the event earlier this week. He had discreetly sent a text to Zayn who had in turn informed him that a couple days ago, Harry had showed up at his flat crying, and hadn't gotten off of his couch yet. Apparently the wrecked boy just kept saying things about how he'd finally screwed things up for good, he had been given a second chance, and he threw it out. 

Liam tuned back in to Louis just in time to hear him say, "I mean seriously, first he goes and cheats on me, and then he has the nerve to come back here and take advantage of me?!"

"Woah woah Louis, stop right there," Liam had heard enough of this. "Harry didn't take advantage of you. I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but sleeping with Harry is just as much your fault as it is his."

Louis fish mouthed, completely astounded with what his best friend was saying. "Are you really picking his side?" Louis asked, exasperated. "You're my best friend, you're supposed to have my back on this."

"God, I do Louis, really I do. Honestly I'm not picking sides at all. I'm just trying to help you be happy."

"So you think that's achievable by calling me over dramatic and saying I'm upset over nothing?" Louis asked angrily. 

"No Louis, that's not what I said," Liam clarified. "I just think you haven't really realized what you want yet, and because you can't make up your mind, you're being unfair to Harry."

Louis threw his hands up, pacing back and forth in front of the couch. "Liam this is absurd. Do you realize that you just said I'm being unfair to the man that cheated on me? Do you know how messed up that it? How hurt I was?"

"I understand that Louis. And I am in no way saying that what he did was forgivable. But have you ever wondered why even after all of what he did to you three years ago, you still feel so drawn to him? Louis there's a reason you slept with him. I see the way you look at him. I know you want him, he's what makes you happy, and that's okay. I just want you to be happy."

Louis again open and closed his mouth again, not making any sound. His eyes filled with tears and he plopped down on the couch next to Liam. After a moment of silence, he whispered brokenly, "I don't know what's wrong with me Liam. I don't know why I don't hate him. I should hate him, I should never want to see him again. But he's all I can think about. What do I do?" He asked desperately, now opening up and pleading for answers. 

"Well he clearly makes you happy. Why can't you just let yourself go and do what you want Louis? Let yourself be happy."

Louis just shook his head. "I can't do that."

"And why not?"

"Because I have standards Liam!" Louis said, springing back up and beginning to pace again. "I like to think that I'm strong enough to not go back to someone who clearly doesn't deserve me. For god's sake he cheated on me. What kind of person does that make me look like if I go back to him? Weak! It makes me look weak!" Suddenly lowering his voice, he said, "If I go back to him, I'll think less of myself, and I don't want that." Again sinking into the chair next to the couch, he said, "but at the same time I want to be with Harry, I miss him so much. I just don't know what to do anymore." Throwing his head back with his eyes closed he groaned, "I'll just never be happy again."

For the first time, Louis had really opened up to his best friend. And Liam was very excited that he actually knew exactly what advice to give. "That's a sticky situation mate," Louis snorted at the understatement. "The way I see it," Liam continued, "you have two options. One is to hold a grudge forever, but you get to keep your standards and level of self worth in tact. Unfortunately, with this you ultimately sacrifice your happiness of being with Harry. However, that's not to say that you won't get over him eventually." 

Louis snorted at that, "not likely. I went three years without seeing him and still never stopped thinking about him or loving him. Especially now that I have him back in my life, I don't think I could leave again. What's my second option?" 

"Well your second option is to sacrifice these standards you've set for yourself against Harry, and let yourself be happy with him."

Louis huffed out a breath and crossed his arms, "I don't like either of those options. How about option three, which is to go back to the way things were before I slept with Harry."

"With the obvious sexual tension and immense flirting? Yeah I don't think so." Liam said jokingly. 

"So I guess if those are my only two options, then it's which everyone I can live with the easiest, whichever one's less painful."

"You know Louis," Liam started with his last piece of advice. "I think the strongest and most intelligent people know when it's ok to break a few rules, especially when their ones that they've set for themselves."

Louis simply nodded in understanding. 

*

Harry had just walked in the door, getting home from work. It was true, he had been hiding and moping at Zayn's for a couple of days, but then he realized he didn't want a repeat of the last three years. He had messed up twice now, and if Louis hadn't come back to him the first time when he cheated on him, he certainly wouldn't come back the second time after Harry let himself sleep with Louis. 

He didn't think he would ever stop loving Louis, however, he had to stop waiting for him. Harry had forced himself to accept that Louis was never going to want to be with him again, so he was going to try his best to move on. He had gone three years without a trace of Louis, surely he could go the rest of his life too. 

So here he was, a week later, trying to get back into a daily routine that didn't include Louis. Harry came to the conclusion that, simply put, life was a hell of a lot more boring without Louis in it. 

He was just starting to make himself some tea when his buzzer rang. Going to his front door, he pressed the button and seeing as he wasn't expecting anyone, he asked, "uh, who is it?" 

"It's Louis, can I. Come up?" Came the staticky response. 

Harry's breath hitched, and he stumbled over his words when responding with, "of course- yeah sure- that's great- I mean no problem." He banged his forehead on the wall, in disbelief of his own embarrassment. Quickly he buzzed Louis in, and then went to work trying to tidy up the flat. 

This was it, Louis was coming to tell him that they could never see each other again, it was too painful. When a knock came at the door, Harry shakily opened it. "Hi," he breathed out. 

"Hi," Louis responded. After a moment of awkwardly just standing there, Louis asked, "uh can I come in? I kind of need to talk to you."

"Oh yeah, of course," Harry responded, moving aside so that Louis could enter. "Would you like some tea? I was just about to make some." 

"Oh. No that's fine," Louis responded quietly. 

It was all very awkward as they maid their way to the living room, to sit down. "Listen Harry-" Louis said at the same time as Harry said, "so what did you-"

Harry blushed, "sorry, you first."

"Right," Louis started. "So I don't really know how to give an explanation for this or anything, but-" this was it, Harry could feel it, his heart break was about to be made official. Louis continued, "I don't know if, or when, I'll be able to really forgive you for everything that happened three years ago, but I've decided that I can try to look past it, or at least not keep holding it against you.-" wow. This is not at all what harry expected. He stared, wide eyed and open mouthed as Louis continued, "because I've decided that in order for myself to be happiest I need you in my life... As more than a friend. And that's not going to happen unless I learn to stop getting so hung up on something you clearly regret and are very sorry for."

"Louis I-" Harry was interrupted by Louis. 

"Wait, Harry, just let me finish." He waited for Harry's animated nod before finishing up his soliloquy. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you, I never really stopped, and I miss you. And I'm not going to let myself stand in the way of my own happiness, so I'm willing to really give this another shot. If that's still what you want," he added the last part quickly. 

He hardly needed the confirmation with the bright smile on Harry's face, but Harry quickly said, "God of course I still want that Louis! I was never even close to getting over you. Are you really sure this is what you want though? You've really thought this through? I don't want you to regret this."

Louis nodded his head, a grin bracing his face as well. "Yeah, yeah I've really thought this through. Had a proper heart-to-heart with Liam and everything. I mean, obviously we'll have to take it slow and feel things out as we go, but I really think we can work this out."

"Yeah, me too," Harry whispered. 

They sat for a few moments, cross legged on the couch, knees touching, and just staring into one another's eyes. 

After a moment, Louis realized that their hands were linked together. He looked down at them and smiled at the familiarity of his small hand encased in Harry's large one. He looked up again, meeting Harry's eyes. With a watery smile, Louis leaned in and caught Harry's lips in a kiss, truly letting himself finally experience happiness. 

*

It was some years later, that Louis flopped down on their bed, landing next to Harry. 

Harry somehow found the energy to prop himself up and hovered over Louis, pressing kisses all over his face, making Louis squirm away. 

"Lunches packed for tomorrow?" Louis asked. 

"Yep," Harry responded with a kiss to the nose. "Kids bathed and in bed?"

"Yep," Louis said, leaning up and kissing his nose in response. "Did you let the dog out?"

"Well of course," Harry answered in mock astonishment at the utterly absurd implication that he had forgotten to let out Cheerio their golden retriever. 

"Well you are just such a wonderful husband, aren't you?" Louis asked. He rolled over so that he was now straddling Harry's waist. 

"Hmmm, you should show me just how wonderful you think I am," Harry whispered. 

"Now that is something I'm sure I can do a pretty good job of," Louis said as he leaned down to reconnect their lips while sliding his hand down to the button of Harry's jeans. 

Later that night they were wrapped around each other. Louis' head was on Harry's chest, and they were both delirious with exhaustion. It was then that that Louis pressed A kiss to Harry's chest, and whispered, "you know somewhere along the way I think I forgot to mention that I forgave you."

Harry simply leaned down do press a kiss against his husband's temple and replied with an equally simple, "I love you."

From there they drifted off to sleep. They cherished the quiet that would soon be broken once their three kids woke up and had to be dressed, fed, and taken to school, all while Harry and Louis attempted to get out of the door for work as well. But if they were being honest, they cherished those mornings too. In fact, they cherished every moment of their lives together, as a family.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd just like to say that Louis' choices and decisions in this story do not necessarily reflect my own. Cheating situations affect everyone differently, they are not black and white. Some of you may be angry with Louis for going back to him, others may understand it. It's up to you to form an opinion on what you would do, but that doesn't make it wrong or right. 
> 
> With that being said.... Thoughts? Opinions?


End file.
